9 minute read
By Bethany Rees

Over the past few years, God has really been tugging on my heart about how I’m living my life. In other words, the path I’m currently walking isn’t going to lead me to where He wants me to go (or even to where I want to go).

Not that I’m a bad person, have been living wildly, or anything like that. 

Just over the years, I can see how I’ve restricted my relationship with God so that I contain the majority of control….because let’s face it, I like control. It makes me feel secure when “the power” is in my hands and I don’t have to depend on anyone for anything. 

BUT!

(And that’s a big but!) 

You know what my leading my own life has got me? 

• People Pleasing Anxiety
• Internal Chaos with the voice in my head
• Stress from trying to manage and curate my life
• Health issues like Overweight and High Blood Pressure

God has been tweaking my heart so much over the last 4 years. I am truly different on the inside. My relationship with God is growing so much deeper and my internal spring of Joy in Jesus is bubbling over into everything I’m doing and thinking. 

For the first time in my life, I finally feel like I’m learning how to hear from God. 

Since I’ve been reading my bible, listening to worship music, and praying way more than I ever have, it’s like a pipe in my heart and mind where God (the Holy Spirit) has been trying to talk to me all these years has finally been unclogged. 

And to be honest, it all started with becoming familiar with His voice in scripture. 

I turned my passwords into scripture references so I would say it as I typed it in. I now save scripture as my phone screensaver so I can be reminded of it throughout the day. 

Learning His word and who He is has completely changed my relationship with God and invited His Holy Spirit to move so that I can finally hear from Him.  So when I’m thinking about anything, it’s like God puts a specific scripture or worship blurb in my mind and heart to guide my thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

And know that I don’t have all scripture references memorized either, God will put his word in my mind and heart and then I usually have to look up the full scripture and where it is in the bible.

“I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11

While it may be hard for me to truly explain, if I turned the last 4 years of God working on my heart into a conversation to share with others, it would sound like this:

Me: God, I’m exhausted and a hot mess. Help me please. 

God: “Hey Bethany, busy child! You’re busy working, but you’re not including me in everything you’re doing.”

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”. Matthew 6:33

Me: “But God, look at the good I’m working on. I’m serving people and my family.” (Me being tasks/works focused.)

God: “I care more about your heart than your works.”

"39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:39-42

God: “And your heart is still chasing worldly things. You’re chasing flesh (e.g. control, status among people) and leaning on your own strength again.” 

“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36

Me: “Is that why I’m so internally frustrated, God? Because I’m always getting ahead of you…trying to take control?”

God: “Yes child. I’ve been disciplining you and calling you back to Me for a while. You’ve tried life your way with your control and organization, but you’re just wandering around between tasks and events performing for affirmation from others. You’re not living how I created you to live.” 

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

Me: “Shocker! But you’re right, God. I have been living my life for other people and not you. And God, overall I’m just not feeling well. On the outside I look like I have it all together, but mentally I don’t feel settled. Physically my body is breaking down. And I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

God: “You don’t have to live like this anymore child. Let go of all the worldly expectations you’ve created in your own head and let me lead you. I have somewhere specific I want you to go so you can join me in what I’m doing.”

But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:4

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Me: “Where do you want to take me God? I’ll study specifically about that path, make a plan on how to get there, and start checking things off the list so I can meet you where you are?”

God: “There you go again trying to do things with your own will and strength. I want you to trust me. There is no faith required if you know exactly what is going to happen.  I want you to trust that I see all things and I work all things for my good. I want you to follow me one step at a time. I want you to live recklessly abandoned for what I have for you.” 

Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!” Psalm 37:7

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Me: “I want to live like that, but what does that mean? I don’t know how to live like. I only know how to follow an organized system and process. I’m scared God.”

God: “I am the creator of world. I have all power and all knowledge.  You are safe with me.  Learn to sit still and just be. Be with me. Spend time with me. Get to know me better, child. Study my word to see who I am. Pray and talk to me to grow closer. Ask for my Spirit to be poured out on you so you will feel me closer to you as I guide you.”

“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27

Me: “Ok God, I will try to sit still and be with you.” 

God: “I did not say “try” child. I said to be. Be still with me. Let me transform your heart. Transform your thoughts. Transform your desires. And let me exponentially increase your faith.”

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

Me: “But God, what about my responsibilities? How will those be taken care of if I just sit still?”

God: “I am the provider. Trust and know that I am in your yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Your responsibilities, as you say, are built around your own plans, not mine. Let me show you what really matters in life and I will lead you to do what really matters.”

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Me: “I trust you Lord, but also know that I don’t know what I’m doing nor how I am going to do anything going forward.” 

God: “I am that I am. You can do all things through me (God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit). For I know the plans I have for you, so stop living for yourself and this world, and join me.”

“11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13

Me: “Yes Lord, but please forgive my failures and transgressions of the past and present. I feel unqualified for what you are calling me to.” 

God: “I already have forgiven you child. It is for my glorification alone that I am calling you, so fear not about the details of how. It is my work and I will breathe on it. ”

“16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17

“13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,” Philippians 2:13-15

Thank you for letting me be vulnerable in sharing the mess in my head and how God is speaking to me through His word and His spirit. The above scriptures and many more have led to a rededication of my life to Jesus and the glorification of our Heavenly Father.

If you are unsettled in your current situation, read your bible, listen to worship music. Get to know God better and watch how He will begin to speak to you so your life will begin to turn around. 

Know Better. Do Better. Live Better. Get to Know God Better.

Rocks before Sand!

Scripture: 

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”. Matthew 6:33

Theme Song: 

God Turn it Around - Jon Reddick

References Used:

• The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.