5 minute read

by Bethany Rees

Can I just be real for a moment?  

Carrying around the baggage of expectation of who I’m supposed to be in society is exhausting. At every turn I feel  inundated with media or opinions of what the perfect person, spouse, parent, professional, and body looks like. The more I see images of the perfect self, the more I want to hide my true self because of how far away I am from reaching the pedestal of perfection. 

However, the more I reflect on my own life and get to know other people’s stories, the more I’m noticing that I am not the only one carrying around heavy baggage. Having been exposed to thousands of people in my career as an educator,

I am hundred percent certain that everyone has their own issues they are dealing with; and the weight from that baggage is keeping us in chains.   

As a person, friend, an educator, and especially as a high school administrator, I have experienced, seen, talked to, and walked with people going through: 

• Mental health issues (anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc)
• Addiction (drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, etc)
• Broken marriages (adultery, abuse, drug addiction, divorce, etc)
• Conflict (from ugly words to investigations of mistreatment and misconduct to breaking up fights between students and between adults to mob mentality on social media against a student/teacher/administrator/school, etc)
• Trauma (suicide, family death, abuse, prostitution, home disaster, natural disaster, public humiliation because of an act caught in pictures/video, etc) 

I’d bet my last dollar that you know someone that has gone through some really hard experiences like those I mentioned above.

Life is hard!

Yet we walk around saying “I’m good” to the "how are you?" question because we are too fearful of what others will think if they knew our true self and the hard path we were currently on. 

So many people carry around the baggage of shame because they have experienced something society would deem as anything from taboo to ghastly or disgraceful to evil.

 They live the story of not meeting the expectations or goals they or others had for them. Or on the flip side, they could be carrying around the weight of becoming exactly who society or others said they were. And oh how society judges us based on where we come from and what we look like. 

Many of us “tuck in our ugly” to keep it from showing so we won’t be judged by society, or as a defense mechanism, our pride hides our ugly from ourselves so we never come to terms with it. 

Yes, we have become quite good at hiding our true self. 

The self that struggles with anxiety, anger, addiction, shame, weight, communication, confidence, etc, and ultimately the self that struggles with our sin.   

In the past, the pressure of being “this” or being “that” based on societal norms or the perceived expectations of others, caused me great angst and stole my joy. But something has happened over the last few years. Through daily bible study and prayer, I believe the lens from which I view life has become more focused. In a way, I feel like I’ve had a Matrix moment.

God is showing me who I really am versus who I thought I was or should be based on this world’s pressures and expectations. Turns out, I allowed my mind to become my own “matrix” that was locking me in a state of pressure and fear of what I should be but wasn’t. So I can’t really blame society for my own weak mind. Instead, I’m starting to own my weaknesses (or self focus) and start leaning into more of a God focused mind. It’s funny that when I take myself out of the equation and let God take the lead, the pressure gets lighter and who I am…my true authentic self…begins to really show. 

Friends, it is time we stop hiding our true “self” and stop carrying the baggage of our past and leave it at the cross.

That is what Jesus died on the cross for…
to allow us to become a new creation in him. 

We need to stop acting like society (whoever/whatever that really is) has any power over us. For those that remember the 80’s, my mind goes to the movie The Labyrinth starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly. In my mind, David Bowie’s character resembles “society” that says "if you do as I say, you can have it all," and then he/it sends us through a massive labyrinth where we never really find fulfillment. 

And we are like the Jennifer Connelly character who has to decide to follow our selfish desire to believe the mirage that we can have it all, or to look society dead in the face and say…

We are not meant to live for the world, other people's expectations or preferences. Even Seth Godin says it this way in his book, The Practice, 

“...if our focus is on external validation, then the journey will always be fraught. It’s culturally impossible to do important work that will be loved by everyone.” 

We are meant to live for God alone. 

Stop looking to society and others for validation and stop hiding because you don’t get it. Lean into God and who He is, and you’ll be amazed how He reveals who you really are. Scars, warts, extra weight and all...know you are loved and you are wonderfully made. Then and only then can you truly be your authentic “self.”

Authenticity is one of the core values of the Rocks Before Sand blog.

Know Better. Do Better. Live Better. Be Authentic.

Rocks before Sand!

Scripture: 

“to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

~Ephesians 4:23-25 NIV

Theme Song: 

This is Me - The Greatest Showman Cast

 Try - Colbie Calliat 

References Used:

• The Matrix. Directed by The Wachowski Brothers, performances by Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Warner Brothers, 1999.
• Labyrinth. Directed by Jim Hensen, performances by David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, Tri-Star Pictures, 1986.
• Godin, Seth. The Practice. New York: Portfolio, 2020. Print. 
• Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.