6 minute read 
by Bethany Rees

How to Kiss and Make Up (Even if You’re Not Willing to Kiss!)

Disagreements with the people we love and adore are inevitable. In our How To series, we've already talked about showing up and speaking up, but now it’s time to discover how to approach reconciling conflict—or as we like to call it, how to “kiss and make up.” (Note: This applies even if the kissing part isn’t an option! 😅)

Did you know that the Bible talks a LOT about love and forgiveness?

That’s kind of the whole point! God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die in our place so we could be forgiven. But the New Testament doesn’t just speak of God’s love for us—it also calls us to love, forgive, and live in unity with others.

So, what do we do when we’ve had a moment (or several) of not living in unity, but downright arguing? Thankfully, the Bible provides guidance for those moments, too. Here are some biblical action steps to help you resolve conflict and “kiss and make up.”

1. Accept

The first step is accepting that you must have the difficult conversation. Hard conversations are stressful and anxiety-inducing for everyone, but mediating conflict and holding others accountable is essential for healthy relationships.

If there’s a misunderstanding or anger brewing, you need to address it. Unresolved conflict becomes a breeding ground for the devil’s schemes, like bitterness and unforgiveness.

In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus tells us: 

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Ephesians 4:26-27 reminds us:

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

It’s worth noting: being angry isn’t a sin, but how you express your anger could be.

2. Check

Next, check your ego. Ego can sabotage both conversations and relationships. Human nature drives us to be selfish, prideful, and to paint ourselves as the hero or victim in conflict. Through Christ, we must rise above these tendencies.

Philippians 2:3-4 tell us: 

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Or, as the modern proverb says: “Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.”

Conflict is emotionally charged—like dodgeball, with emotions flying everywhere. Add dominance or disrespect, and you’ve got a disaster. Stay calm and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting emotionally.

3. Decide

Before entering the conversation, decide what the root cause of the conflict is. Think of the problem as a ball: you can throw one ball and expect someone to catch it, but throwing multiple balls at once guarantees a miss.

In Matthew 18:15 Jesus says: 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”

Focus on the core issue, not the symptoms. Even better is to humbly ask God your role in the conflict. Taking ownership is a humble move that always paves the way toward reconciliation. 

4. Converse

Now it’s time to have the conversation. First impressions matter—how you start the conversation sets the tone. It can foster:

• Listening or ignoring
• Calm or heightened emotions
• Ownership or defensiveness
• Resolution or further conflict

When you speak, follow the wisdom of James 1:19-20:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Stick to facts and avoid inserting feelings that could escalate emotions. Remember Ephesians 4:29:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

For example:

• Don’t say: “You’re lazy.”
• Instead say: “I noticed that your clothes are lying by the hamper instead of in the hamper. Can we discuss what happened?”

Seek to understand first, and work toward a resolution that honors both parties.

How to End Well

Conflict and hard conversations can feel awkward, so knowing how to end strong is a must. The Bible is clear on how to leave a conversation, especially with believers. We’re called to love, forgive, and move forward in unity through Christ.

Ephesians 4:32 reminds us:

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Reconciliation may not always end with literal kissing, but with love, humility, and biblical wisdom, you can “make up” and strengthen your relationships for the glory of God.

What steps will you take today to resolve conflict in your life? 

Know Better. Do Better. Live Better. Kiss and Make Up.

Rocks before Sand!

Scripture: 

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil… Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear….Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4: 26-27, 29, 32

Theme Song: 

Matthew West - Forgiveness (Lyrics)

References Used:

• The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.