5 minute read

By Bethany Rees

I’ve always heard that the definition of integrity is “doing the right thing even when no one is looking.” Integrity implies that one has a strong sense of ethics or morals and that the “right thing to do'' never changes, even if people or situations change. 

This definition of integrity has not only stuck with me for most of my life, but is the reason I will pick up other people’s trash as I walk along a sidewalk or hallway. Even though no one is looking, I know that picking up litter is the right thing to do. 

Integrity is what we all want, but there are two enemies that work to chop away at one’s integrity. The first is the most obvious enemy to integrity and immorality, or essentially - not doing the right thing. Therefore we typically work to avoid people that have little to no integrity. 

So if integrity is always doing the right thing and immorality is not doing the right thing, then there’s a huge gap between the two in which most of us live. And that gap is called “situational ethics or morals.” 

Situational ethics is exactly as it implies, adjusting your ethical beliefs or moral stances in varying situations. 

Speaking of situational ethics, I went to a Baptist church for about a decade and some of my friends at church told me these two jokes about situational ethics and church goers: 

• “One Baptist goes fishing with a cooler full of beer and comes back with an empty cooler. Two Baptists go fishing with a cooler full of beer and come back with a full cooler.” 
• “There are two things Baptists don’t recognize: The Pope and each other at the liquor store.” 

Now I’m not sure the origin of the jokes nor the Christian group it was intended to poke fun at (you can easily replace “Baptist” with any group), but the point is clear…people tend to have situational ethics. However, we tend to trick ourselves into believing that we are a “good person” because we compare ourselves to others less moral or ethical than ourselves. 

And I’m no different! Here recently I’ve been really reflecting on whether I have been truly modeling integrity or situational ethics to my own children. 

Confession time…I’m more consistent with situational decision making. 

In dieting I vow to never eat chips and queso again because my body is a temple…until I do…the next time we have Mexican for dinner. And I justify my actions for multiple reasons: “I’ve been good and I deserve it,” “breaking the diet this one time won’t hurt,” or “screw the diet, I love myself and myself is starving.”

In parenting, I work to model wholesome communication and words that bring life. That means no cursing in my house…until I do…the next time I stub my toe and the “S” word slips out of my mouth.

In work ethic, I talk about not procrastinating…until I do…procrastinate writing this very blog because I have a lot of other projects going on.

And finally in law, I teach my kids to always follow the law no matter what…until I “accidentally” don’t…and I get caught by a Big Ben National Park Ranger as I’m escorting my daughter through the ankle deep waters of the Rio Grande River to “touch” Mexico for the first time. 

Seriously! I could have been arrested! 

And honestly, it was my latest escapade of being caught accidentally breaking international law in the Rio, with my daughter at my side, that my situational ethics came to light. 

My husband and son laughed hysterically as I was lectured by the Big Ben park ranger for a few minutes. 

And my daughter? I kid you not…she wrote a song about it and the first line says: “Mommy led me astray.” 

I felt terrible. I didn’t think about what I was doing. I saw everybody doing it,  so I took my daughter and just went wading through the river. 

(FYI: Let it be known that there were A LOT of people doing it, but I got the most stern talking to.)

Now I feel like I model decent behavior and I thought I modeled integrity, but it turns out I’m just modeling situational ethics and justification for my actions. 

So how does a parent come back from a situation where they set a bad example? 

Or what if a parent doesn’t set the “perfect” Christian example or disciple* them “perfectly” when they are young? 

*Side note: Discipleship in parenting means being intentional in modeling and instructing our children in how to walk in a close relationship with Christ.

If we mess up or miss an opportunity as parents, are we and our kids pretty much screwed for life? 

Let me go ahead and relieve your stress and mine. The answer is no. 

Now when we don’t always model good behavior (my breaking international law) and don’t always do a good job in discipling our children, their road to building a strong faith will be more bumpy. So discipleship is extremely important! But remember this phrase…

Progress over perfection! 

Budding Christians are a work in progress and so are parents. As we grow in our relationship with our God and our children, we also grow more mature in our decision making and intentionality. So use your current (age appropriate) situations to model for your kids your own personal growth in your relationship with Christ. 

This is the reality we all need to remember: “for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). And that includes us parents too! 

I may pick up trash when no one is looking, but I sin. I make mistakes when I adjust my beliefs and values in stewardship (self care), communication (cussing), work (procrastination), and law (speed limits and international borders) based on my mood, my pain, my schedule, and the group I’m around. Yes, I am a sinner. 

So part of discipleship is being “real” and speaking truth. As disciples we are to talk and walk through how to repent of sin, ask for forgiveness,  and continue growing in our relationship with and freedom in Christ.  

So that’s what I’m doing. Our God is not a performance based God and I can use my current mistake to model ownership, repentance, forgiveness, and freedom. In other words, my children are getting to watch their imperfect mom struggle with sin, have consequences, repent, and grow her faith. 

So the next time you mess up as a parent. Own it! Confess it! And use it as a way to disciple your kids in the truth that God loves us even though we are sinners…

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~Romans 5:8

Know Better. Do Better. Live Better. Go and Make Disciples.

Rocks before Sand!

Scripture: 

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

~Romans 5:8

Theme Song: 

Sanctus Real - Lead Me (with Lyrics)

References Used:

• Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. https://www.biblegateway.com